Odd Quiver In Summer Sixteen

(Sequel to SILENCE IN DISMAY)

In pieces I shatter,

            only time will heal.

            These fragments together,

            make up how I feel.

(Gilberto Ledgard Hidalgo IV, Perfectly Broken)

***

*Lorraine’s POV*

There had been one time when the very last thing I wanted to do was stay alive. I was frustrated, way more than everyone could have ever known. My parents argued all day long as I was just lounging in my bedroom, not sure what to do. Oh God, how I desperately wanted them to make peace however it would be, such as... divorce.

           Well I couldn’t care less, though. They had never really been concerned about me for the past few months. So, how could I give a damn?

          Oh, by the way, hi my name is Lorraine Hawkins, I’m 16, still waiting for the school to start again. I bought a journal last week, and this is the first page of it.I’m currently in San Antonio spending my third week of summer in my summer house where there is no one I can befriend with. Yay me, figure this is going to be the best summer ever in my whole life!

          I love doing geeky things, apparently. So I guess I am a geek, and introvert as well with glasses, books (especially ones with philosophy things in it), and all that. But really, it has nothing to do with my personality. I mean, once you get to know me, I’m pretty sure as hell you will never ever find any geek as crazy and blunt as I am. Well honesty here, this is another thing about me: I’m so fucked up and pretty scary when it comes to friendship. I have never talked with anyone without my masks on, anyone except my best friend, Raquel. She is the only one who never feels like eww knowing me as a whole package as Lorraine.

            I wonder, will my future boyfriend accept my worsts and just love me the way I am?

            I wonder, which masks I’ve gotta wear in front of my future boyfriend? Or will it be no mask?

***

           The scent of 7 am coffee quivered for a moment in the air. I could tell it was Mom because she was always up early. And I could tell Dad wasn’t home. Probably he was looking for another woman, who knew.

           Drrrt drrrt... drrrt drrrt...

           My phone buzzed, I forgot where I’d put it last night and I was too lazy to move out from bed. I usually got up at around 10 or 11 and now it was still 7! Whoever texted me surely could wait for 3 hours or four. Bet whoever that was didn’t know me really well since I was not a morning person.

            “Hey Rain,”

           “HOLY...” I was startled seeing my door was open ajar, and Dad’s head showed up. What the eff, I thought I had locked the door before going to bed!

            “Good morning, sorry I didn’t knock it first, I was afraid to wake you up.”

            Yeah but you startled the hell out of me til death, Dad.

           But of course I didn’t blurt it out. “Yeah Dad, at first I thought you forgot how to knock.” He laughed nervously. “So, what’s up?”

            “Eh, nothing. I just... I just want to tell you that I’m going to head off soon.”

            No surprise. “Oh, where are you heading to?”

            “I don’t know exactly but we’re going to beaches.”

            I smiled sarcastically. “Beaches or beotches?”

            “Pardon me?” I could hear a tinge of surprise in his voice.

I shook my head lightly, not that I really cared about it, though. “Nah nothing. Well okay Dad, have fun!”

           But he was still lingering for a minute or so, as if there was something more to say. I waited for several more seconds as I was pretending to go back to sleep until I heard the door was closed.

***

Hey, there. Bet you haven’t seen Insidious Chapter 3, so... want to see it with me? I’ll be coming over at 1, alright?

          HOLY CRAP my hands were shaking so hard it was about to loosen grip of my phone. The one who texted me at 7 was my crush! I replied to his message “Okay, see ya soon!” before getting freaked out.

What time was it now?!

            11.30 am.

Oh great in one and a half hour he was going to be here and I just woke up!

I called Raquel immediately. She was still not answering. Ugh what takes her so long?! Finally she picked up the phone in the seventh ring. “QUEL!!”

“Whoa slim it sweetie, why so urgent?”

“LEVI WILL BE HERE AT 1 AND I LITERALLY JUST WOKE UP!”

“... oh-kay... So what?”

“Ugh Quel, you’re the worst best friend ever. He asked me out okay?! We’re going to go to cinema in one and a half hour and now I just got up, I have no idea what I should wear, so please Skype me. I’ll be right back, gonna make a sandwich. Bye.”

I ended the phone and rushed going downstairs, straight to kitchen. My so-called crush would be here soon and I was now still looking as messed up as ever. But then a soft voice calling my name.

“Rain?”

I came to a halt as I spotted Mom watching TV alone. Since when Mom was here? Why didn’t I notice her presence?

“Oh, hey Mom.” I smiled as sweet as my lips could do.

She smiled back but it didn’t reach her eyes. Mom’s eyes were swollen. She had to be crying all night. And I could feel the pang. I somehow knew it was unbearable. It occured to me that this was somewhat like deja vu, I once was here, but what I spotted back then was Dad kissing Mom passionately that I feared they would make love right in there.

Needless to say, now they were about to separate. Well at least they had ever been in deep love once upon a time.

“Rain?”

I got aback to reality. Mom was watching me, looking puzzled.

“Yes, Mom?”

“I said what’re you up to?”

“Ah, I am just... uhm, going to make sandwich.”

“Want me to make it for you?”

Oooh my God, yes please! Please! I’m in a hurry!

“No no, it’s okay I’m actually not in a hurry.” I knew that we both knew it was a lie. I walked towards the kitchen as slow as someone who was running out of time could. “Oh by the way I’m going to see a movie with... a friend, and he’ll be here soon.”

“Okay just make sure you’re going home before...”

“Curfew. Yeah, noted. I’m home before curfew.”

She smiled but I felt awkward. I didn’t know what to say since my sandwich was already done and I really had to go upstairs and video Skype Raquel.

“What’re you waiting for, then? Go upstairs you little Rainy I know you’re late!”

I yelled, “Yes I actually am, okay Mom see ya!” as I was taking two stairs at once.

You know, I hated it to act as if everything was going to be alright, especially in front of my Mom. I was no liar, but life we were in seemed like it was all only about drama. I never prepared myself to play, only did I realize I was already playing.

I am perfectly broken.

I am flawlessly impaired.

I am closed to being open.

But since when have you cared?

(Gilberto Ledgard Hidalgo IV, Perfectly Broken)

***

I cringed staring at my room. It had been already a mess, but right now it was even worse. I literally put out all of my clothes from wardrobe, was trying to find one which Raquel thought was the best one to wear, as well as the bra, which bra I should wear so my boobs would look good.

I couldn’t thank Raquel enough for always being there for me when I needed her most.

Today was the day! Finally, I had been waiting for this to happen since God knows when! I mean, I’d been out with a boy once actually, we saw a movie as well, but I didn’t really enjoy it because I wasn’t in love with him back then. It was last year. His name is Reeve.

But now, it was totally a different story. I had a crush on this Levi guy. Eh, I was not really sure though because he was more to a best friend to me, and yet not a best friend. I just found myself happy to be with him, he was the easy going guy with good humors, knew how to make me feel comfortable and safe, he was around 6 feet 1 inch tall (hells and I was only 5 feet 5 inches tall, it seemed like I was a dwarf), and... yeah I didn’t know, he was nice. And smart. And oh, he even told me once he liked the philosophical side of me.

And I was actually still trying to figure out, why the eff he’d drive from his summer house which was like 17 miles away from mine?! Only to ask me out?! I’d better not to get myself too high, though.

Raquel said that I was probably in love with him. It could take forever for me only to talk about him with her, it was as though I always got my words to yap. She told me I’d be such an effing jerk when I received a message from Levi, because I’d totally ignore her as I was replying to his message, until I clicked “send” button did I notice her presence, being pissed off.

Oh, really? Was I actually that crazy?

But no, I didn’t really think so. I didn’t want to jump to conclusion hastily. I just knew Levi for like the past 2 months. So it just felt so wrong if I was into him or something.

Yeah, no way you fell for this guy, Rain. Note this, common sense has no place in first love and never has. It seemingly you were losing your sommon sense. --ets200615

Silence in Dismay

“Do you know what’s standing between you and me?” Lorraine asked as she took one step forward, standing only inches apart from a muscled boy. She looked up at his hazel eyes.

The boy lowered down his gaze, got his eyes on Lorraine’s in amusement. He couldn’t love more his girl when she started to be so philosophical. He considered it as a weird one, true. Either way, it was so cute he couldn’t stop smiling thinking of it.

He then filled in the space between them. “No, I don’t.” He murmured. They were way too close Lorraine breathed the same air with the boy.

She closed her eyes. The wind breezed.

Everything felt so good and it was just so right living the very moment, with only two of them in the rooftop, underneath the night sky. It was 8 pm already but two of them felt like there was no second ticking and the moment would last forever.

She wondered if forever really was the word to indicate their relationship.

Lorraine leaned in and hugged him so tight she could smell the masculine perfume of his.

“Tell me, ma fleur.”

“Hmm?”

“Tell me.”

“Can’t you guess it?”

“Alright, give me a second. Is it nothing? Because it seems we’re meant to be eternal, don’t you think?”

That was tickling her and it occured to her how she loved the boy’s humor. It was so much, and she couldn’t get rid of it.

She then shook her head lightly, not sure as to beat off the thought or to reply to the boy. “No, Levi. You’re wrong.”

“Okay, so what’s that?” He, again, whispered.

In spite of the moment’s coziness, she could feel Levi’s heartbeat in her chest pounding harder waiting for the response. “The reality.”

They both bate their breaths.

***

It was half 9 am on a Sunday morning when Raquel came over to Lorraine’s house, “RAIN! Oooh my God guess what!? You should know what!”, which only she found empty.

“Rain? You here?”

She walked towards Lorraine’s bedroom and only got blanket covering no body. “Rain? Where are you? I’m so excited, I got a big news!”

She went upstairs, to the rooftop and... oops! Lorraine was laying right next to Levi, Levi’s arms were hugging Lorraine’s body. They both didn’t notice Raquel’s presence. Well, they both weren’t even awake despite the sunlight was getting bright.

“Ugh please, it’s nearly 10 and they’re still asleep, curled up beneath such a bright sky?!”

Raquel headed to their body and got herself stumbled in purpose. She pretended to fall. “AAHHH!!”

“What’s up?!” Levi got awake immediately and looked up at the surrounding, but it was all the same as it was the night before. Except Raquel’s presence. “What you doing here?”

“What’s going on?” Lorraine got awake too, eventually.

“You tell me.”

“Quel?”

“Yes, Rain. I’m here.”

“Since when you’re here?”

“Since God knows when! Now c’mon you guys should get up unless you want to get the sunburn. Go go go!” Raquel took whatever her hand could grip and pointed it towards the couple.

It was a crowbar.

“Whoa slim it, buddy. Fine, we’re going downstairs.” Levi took Lorraine’s hand and held it.

“No we, buddy. Only Rain and me. You go.”

Levi made a face. “Seriously? Ugh, fine. Hey Rain, got to go. I’ll let you know when I’m home.”

“Alright, see you Levi. Sorry for this, Quel is being a jerk.”

“It’s cool, no worries. I’m used to it. See you, ma fleur.”

He gave her a light kiss and bustled walking downstairs, away from the girls, after giving his girlfriend one last glance. Raquel and Lorraine waited until they heard the front door closed.

“Did you literally called me a jerk?” Raquel asked in disbelief.

“I did. Aren’t you a jerk, though?”

“RAIN!!!”

They both laughed out loud as walking down the stairs. Lorraine had a seat as she turned on the TV. Raquel opened the refrigerator and took two bottles of juices, then handed one to Lorraine who was yawning. She didn’t find any burritos nor cereals, though, so she sat next to her bestie, only drinking the juice.

“Rain. You won’t believe what I’m saying!” Yelled Raquel in excitement. Lorraine looked at her, waiting for Raquel to finish the line. Her voice was chipper. “I was hooking up with...”

Lorraine’s jaw dropped. “You were hooking up?!”

“Yup!”

“With who?!”

“Hudson!”

“What about Dean?”

“Well he doesn’t know and I don’t want him to know. He’s too nice.”

“Huh, he’s too nice and yet you were hooking up with Hudson. I get it.”

“Nah it’s not like that! Or yeah probably it is, but I’m only giving Hudson a chance, okay? You know he’s been into me since forever, so now I’m giving him a try. Can’t wait!”

“Can’t wait for what? Sleep with him?”

“What-no! We’re only going to have dinner and... I don’t know, probably he’s going to bring me somewhere else too, but I’m sure enough we’re not going to have a sexy night.”

“By somewhere you mean is a museum, isn’t it? Or library.” Lorraine smiled sarcastically which only was given a really straight face from Raquel.

“Haha wow, just wow. I still can’t believe, it’s Hudson! Geez, he’s a geek, Quel!”

“But he’s hot. A hot geek.”

“Still, a geek. Glasses and all that.”

“Whatever, now you go shower, please. You smell! Let’s go to my house. Help me finding the right outfit to go out tonight.”

“Hang on, the date will be tonight?!”

“Yes! That’s why you should get your butt to the shower right now! Go!”

Lorraine bolted to go taking a bath, took her towel, and went showering.

***

“Okay, this will be the last. How do I look?” Raquel asked Lorraine for the thousandth time.

“Gorg.”

“Thanks.”

“Now go! He’s waiting outside!”

Raquel finally decided to wear dark red dress and gave her face a touch of lipstick and eyeliner. The black heels had already fit to her feet, her hair were beautifully curly, cascading over her dress (she owed Lorraine for this). All set. She never felt more beautiful than she was right now.

Her prince-charming-wanna-be, Hudson, had been waiting for her in the outside of her house, standing with his back against the door. A car parked in front of the gate.

Are you sure with this? Raquel asked herself before opening the door. Yes, totally. She breathed in the air. Feel bad to Dean? Again, she wanted to make sure of herself first. No, well a bit. Dean is my boyfriend afterall. I’m only having dinner with Hudson, not sleeping with him.

She then opened the door, and found a guy with casual jeans and a shirt covered up by a leather jacket. No mention the glasses. Crap, he may be a nerd but he’s a total hottie! Sorry, Dean. I do still love you, okay.

“Hey,” Raquel let the boy notice her presence.

Hudson spun around and gave her a smile. Those dimples though!

“Hey. You look nice. Ready to go?”

Raquel was actually about to pass out, but she tried not to let it look obvious. She nodded and smiled back.

“So, where we going?” Asked Raquel once they were in the car.

“Hmm I actually don’t know yet, I’m going to let you pick the spot instead.”

“I’ll be fine with any restaurant you pick, anyway.”

“Alright then. Mind to go to Muelle Tres?”

“Not at all.” She gave him a sweet smile and they went to the place in silence. As the silence grew more deafening, the more awkward she felt. She wondered, is going out with a nerd  always this clumsy?

***

8 pm, and it was so bright of a night. The restaurant was crowded of hungry people. They could barely find an empty seat for them two the moment they stepped in the restaurant. But luckily, they spotted two empty seat on the corner, so that was where they headed to.

“Ahh, this place is nice! You go to here often?”

“Haha yeah. My favorite seat is over there, you see? It’s far enough to avoid the nuisance. I read and do homeworks here, you know.”

Nerd.

“Oh fair enough. Why not in your house instead of in here?”

“Well I don’t feel like being at home, actually.”

“Why’s that?”

Silence.

“Could we not talk about this, please?”

“Sure, sorry.”

“No problem.”

Silence.

“Good evening. Have you decided what to order?” The waitress came by, making them less clumsy.

“Sashimi and lemon tea for me. You?”

Raquel was drown in the menu, and a minute later she finally got what she wanted to eat. “Spaghetti, please. Oh, and hot chocolate.”

“Which spaghetti do you want to order, Ms?”

“The one with shrimps and mussels, thank you.”

“Okay, be right back.”

Silence.

“Hey, Raquel. You look pretty tonight, no kidding.”

“Yeah thanks, you already said that in front of my house actually.”

“Oh did I?” Raquell nodded, Hudson was embarassed.

Silence.

“Look, Raquel. I know this is awkward, and I’m sorry. I already know it will be like this, silence, awkwardness, silence again. I’m already...”

“No, no! It’s fine, totally fine. This is not awkward at all, it’s just... I’m feeling so hungry I can’t talk much.”

The hell? Did I literally just say that pile of klunk? The lamest excuse ever.

“No, I mean. Could I tell you something?”

“Go ahead.”

Raquel was sort of certain enough that Hudson was about to confess his love to her. So this is the time, she thought. She often heard of this rumor that Hudson’s feeling towards her apparently had allegedly begun since a year ago. True indeed, Hudson always acted weirdly whenever he got close to her. She needed a proof, nevertheless. She needed to hear by her own ears “I love you” from Hudson’s mouth.

This is a fact, every girl walking the Earth needs certainty and proof.

“Well, here it is. I actually have concerned that we don’t click, that the way I am isn’t meant to complete the way you are, that my endless stupidity cannot be ended by your intelligence and vice versa. You got it? I suppose you’re hurt, so I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to, I have to tell you this though.”

Silence.

“I need someone who can make my imperfection perfect, and it is her.”

Raquel got confused. She had no clue even a bit about what was happening just now, what this nerd was talking about, nor who was the girl Hudson referred to.

“Who?” A single word was eventually blurted out from Raquel’s mouth.

“Lorraine.”

Hudson’s face devoid of expression. The disquieting feeling out of sudden filled up the entire restaurant.

“I just don’t know how to tell Lorraine that I’ve been in love with her for like, who knows? 6 months? I don’t really know either. But really, I...”

Raquel was aghast. “Hang on there. You love Lorraine?”

“Yes.”

“For real?”

“For real.”

Raquel’s heart stopped beating. She nodded slowly in dismay, trying to grasp all of the things she just heard. Didn’t Hudson love me?

“So why did you ask me out?” She couldn’t hide the disappointment in her voice, but who cared.

“I don’t know how to show her that I’m into her. She’s always with Levi, and I don’t want to make her hook up with me.”

Hook up. That’s the words she used all this time to Lorraine, that she hooked up with Hudson. Now it’s going the other way around instead, great.

“You can just simply tell her.”

“I can’t! You don’t get it, I just can’t!”

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

“Which one?”

“Why did you ask me out instead of her?” She stared at him deadly in the eye. This whole situation was literally bugging her. Hudson was bugging her. I hate this nerd to the moon and back.

Hudson took a deep breath. He didn’t know how to explain, he was no expert in love issues whatsoever. He’d rather drown in mounting homeworks than in a pond of complicated love. “Because you’re her best friend.”

“That doesn’t make sense! I’m her bestie, true, so what?”

“I thought I could tell you and if I did, you would help me.”

Raquel sniffed. “No way.”

Hudson took another deep breath. “I should have guessed this. You know, I think one of the most universal human experiences is feeling all alone. It only works for people like me, though. Probably I still can’t click or fit with how the people surround me. The feedback I get and I give aren’t the same. Probably I handle things quite differently from people usually do. That is all the most likely that makes me always feel lonely.”

Raquel kept shutting her mouth, either didn’t know what to respond or didn’t want to. She was still pissed off afterall.

“Sorry for being so philosophical. I know it’s not your thing, so I’m better not to go on with my words. And anyway I think that waitress is bringing our foods, let’s just forget this and eat like nothing happened, deal?”

Raquel nodded in spite of her confusion.

“Deal.” --ets010515