(Sequel to SILENCE IN DISMAY)
In pieces I shatter,
only time will heal.
These fragments together,
make up how I feel.
(Gilberto Ledgard Hidalgo IV,
Perfectly Broken)
***
*Lorraine’s POV*
There had been
one time when the very last thing I wanted to do was stay alive. I was
frustrated, way more than everyone could have ever known. My parents argued all
day long as I was just lounging in my bedroom, not sure what to do. Oh God, how
I desperately wanted them to make peace however it would be, such as...
divorce.
Well
I couldn’t care less, though. They had never really been concerned about me for
the past few months. So, how could I give a damn?
Oh,
by the way, hi my name is Lorraine Hawkins, I’m 16, still waiting for the school
to start again. I bought a journal last week, and this is the first page of it.I’m currently
in San Antonio spending my third week of summer in my summer house where there
is no one I can befriend with. Yay me, figure this is going to be the best summer
ever in my whole life!
I
love doing geeky things, apparently. So I guess I am a geek, and introvert as
well with glasses, books (especially ones with philosophy things in it), and
all that. But really, it has nothing to do with my personality. I mean, once
you get to know me, I’m pretty sure as hell you will never ever find any geek
as crazy and blunt as I am. Well honesty here, this is another thing about me:
I’m so fucked up and pretty scary when it comes to friendship. I have never
talked with anyone without my masks on, anyone except my best friend, Raquel. She
is the only one who never feels like eww knowing me as a whole package as
Lorraine.
I
wonder, will my future boyfriend accept my worsts and just love me the way I
am?
I
wonder, which masks I’ve gotta wear in front of my future boyfriend? Or will it
be no mask?
***
The
scent of 7 am coffee quivered for a moment in the air. I could tell it was Mom
because she was always up early. And I could tell Dad wasn’t home. Probably he
was looking for another woman, who knew.
Drrrt
drrrt... drrrt drrrt...
My
phone buzzed, I forgot where I’d put it last night and I was too lazy to move
out from bed. I usually got up at around 10 or 11 and now it was still 7!
Whoever texted me surely could wait for 3 hours or four. Bet whoever that was
didn’t know me really well since I was not a morning person.
“Hey
Rain,”
“HOLY...”
I was startled seeing my door was open ajar, and Dad’s head showed up. What the eff, I thought I had locked the
door before going to bed!
“Good
morning, sorry I didn’t knock it first, I was afraid to wake you up.”
Yeah but you
startled the hell out of me til death, Dad.
But
of course I didn’t blurt it out. “Yeah Dad, at first I thought you forgot how
to knock.” He laughed nervously. “So, what’s up?”
“Eh,
nothing. I just... I just want to tell you that I’m going to head off soon.”
No
surprise. “Oh, where are you heading to?”
“I
don’t know exactly but we’re going to beaches.”
I
smiled sarcastically. “Beaches or beotches?”
“Pardon
me?” I could hear a tinge of surprise in his voice.
I shook my head lightly, not that I really
cared about it, though. “Nah nothing. Well okay Dad, have fun!”
But
he was still lingering for a minute or so, as if there was something more to
say. I waited for several more seconds as I was pretending to go back to sleep
until I heard the door was closed.
***
Hey, there. Bet you haven’t seen Insidious Chapter 3, so... want to see
it with me? I’ll be coming over at 1, alright?
HOLY
CRAP my hands were shaking so hard it was about to loosen grip of my phone. The
one who texted me at 7 was my crush! I replied to his message “Okay, see ya
soon!” before getting freaked out.
What time was
it now?!
11.30
am.
Oh great in one
and a half hour he was going to be here and I just woke up!
I called
Raquel immediately. She was still not answering. Ugh what takes her so long?! Finally she picked up the phone in the
seventh ring. “QUEL!!”
“Whoa slim it
sweetie, why so urgent?”
“LEVI WILL BE
HERE AT 1 AND I LITERALLY JUST WOKE UP!”
“... oh-kay...
So what?”
“Ugh Quel,
you’re the worst best friend ever. He asked me out okay?! We’re going to go to
cinema in one and a half hour and now I just got up, I have no idea what I
should wear, so please Skype me. I’ll be right back, gonna make a sandwich.
Bye.”
I ended the
phone and rushed going downstairs, straight to kitchen. My so-called crush
would be here soon and I was now still looking as messed up as ever. But then a
soft voice calling my name.
“Rain?”
I came to a
halt as I spotted Mom watching TV alone. Since when Mom was here? Why didn’t I
notice her presence?
“Oh, hey Mom.”
I smiled as sweet as my lips could do.
She smiled
back but it didn’t reach her eyes. Mom’s eyes were swollen. She had to be
crying all night. And I could feel the pang. I somehow knew it was unbearable.
It occured to me that this was somewhat like deja vu, I once was here, but what
I spotted back then was Dad kissing Mom passionately that I feared they would
make love right in there.
Needless to
say, now they were about to separate. Well at least they had ever been in deep
love once upon a time.
“Rain?”
I got aback to
reality. Mom was watching me, looking puzzled.
“Yes, Mom?”
“I said
what’re you up to?”
“Ah, I am
just... uhm, going to make sandwich.”
“Want me to
make it for you?”
Oooh my God, yes please! Please! I’m in a
hurry!
“No no, it’s
okay I’m actually not in a hurry.” I knew that we both knew it was a lie. I
walked towards the kitchen as slow as someone who was running out of time could.
“Oh by the way I’m going to see a movie with... a friend, and he’ll be here
soon.”
“Okay just
make sure you’re going home before...”
“Curfew. Yeah,
noted. I’m home before curfew.”
She smiled but
I felt awkward. I didn’t know what to say since my sandwich was already done
and I really had to go upstairs and video Skype Raquel.
“What’re you
waiting for, then? Go upstairs you little Rainy I know you’re late!”
I yelled, “Yes
I actually am, okay Mom see ya!” as I was taking two stairs at once.
You know, I
hated it to act as if everything was going to be alright, especially in front
of my Mom. I was no liar, but life we were in seemed like it was all only about
drama. I never prepared myself to play, only did I realize I was already
playing.
I am perfectly broken.
I am flawlessly impaired.
I am closed to being open.
But since when have you cared?
(Gilberto Ledgard Hidalgo IV,
Perfectly Broken)
***
I cringed
staring at my room. It had been already a mess, but right now it was even
worse. I literally put out all of my clothes from wardrobe, was trying to find
one which Raquel thought was the best one to wear, as well as the bra, which bra
I should wear so my boobs would look good.
I couldn’t
thank Raquel enough for always being there for me when I needed her most.
Today was the
day! Finally, I had been waiting for this to happen since God knows when! I
mean, I’d been out with a boy once actually, we saw a movie as well, but I
didn’t really enjoy it because I wasn’t in love with him back then. It was last
year. His name is Reeve.
But now, it was
totally a different story. I had a crush on this Levi guy. Eh, I was not really
sure though because he was more to a best friend to me, and yet not a best
friend. I just found myself happy to be with him, he was the easy going guy
with good humors, knew how to make me feel comfortable and safe, he was around 6
feet 1 inch tall (hells and I was only 5 feet 5 inches tall, it seemed like I
was a dwarf), and... yeah I didn’t know, he was nice. And smart. And oh, he
even told me once he liked the philosophical side of me.
And I was
actually still trying to figure out, why the eff he’d drive from his summer house
which was like 17 miles away from mine?! Only to ask me out?! I’d better not to
get myself too high, though.
Raquel said
that I was probably in love with him. It could take forever for me only to talk
about him with her, it was as though I always got my words to yap. She told me
I’d be such an effing jerk when I received a message from Levi, because I’d
totally ignore her as I was replying to his message, until I clicked “send”
button did I notice her presence, being pissed off.
Oh, really?
Was I actually that crazy?
But no, I didn’t
really think so. I didn’t want to jump to conclusion hastily. I just knew Levi
for like the past 2 months. So it just felt so wrong if I was into him or
something.
Yeah, no way
you fell for this guy, Rain. Note this, common
sense has no place in first love and never has. It seemingly you were
losing your sommon sense. --ets200615
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