Rosaline & Tulpa #2

Blood draining from his arm.

He ground and bore it though.

"Urgh! What the fuck?!” He tried to wipe the blood off his left arm with the nearest mop his right hand could reach, though it got him to need some steps and stand against Rosaline.

“For Lucifer’s sake what’s bloody going on,” He grumbled, causing it not be heard as a question. He then threw the mop away without bothering to see where it going to land.

He seemingly didn’t care about the outrageous words spoken just seconds ago as Rosaline was standing still right next to him. He seemingly didn’t even notice that Rosaline was also in the kitchen, if he didn’t spun around.

 “And what are you doing in here, Rose?!"

By the litany of swearwords following it, the way his scratchy voice heard outrageously, and the way he said each word very pronouncedly, Rosaline's Dad seemingly didn't even bother to try to struggle keeping his voice even. His lips taut with anger, his bloodshot eyes bulged, flared with great fury, peering deadly in the eye at his daughter who was his only child (if only he still considered her as his child). He clenched his fist as though he'd punch her right in the face seconds after, inducing his biceps much more bulged. A surge of heat pulsed through his veins.

"I-I am pl-ay-ying new g-game, Dad-dy!" Rosaline innocently answered, clapping her hands excitedly while jiggling her legs up and down as if she just had told her Dad a very good news she couldn't even shut her mouth up any longer. Then she stilled, squinted, perhaps anticipating her Dad's response.

Rosaline's Dad squeezed Rosaline's left shoulder by his right arm-the arm which wasn't stabbed. He then took several deep breaths while bending over Rosaline.

And again, he peered deadly at her in the eye.

“What did ya just say?” He said too slowly it was more like whispering.

“I-I am pl-ay-ying new g-game,”

“New game?”

Rosaline nodded. “Tell me what kind of game that using knife as its toy, huh?!” His Dad was shocked at how steady his voice sounded.

Rosaline shrugged and shook her head as answering, “I d-don’t kno-ow, Da…”

“How come you don’t know when you just played that new game and stabbed me?! Stabbed your own father!?” He yelled at her, waiting for Rosaline’s excuse.

But Rosaline just shuddered, cringed, wrinkling up her face as she finally snapped out of her daze. Initially, she was confused, but then her brain somehow sent  signals that told her that her Dad was being angry. She then gave in to either fear or grief. Her eyes began to be glassy. She didn’t understand why her Dad be such downright hideous. She then closed her eyes for several seconds when her Dad tugged her chin up.

“Huh?” He said.

“I-I real-ly d-on’t kn-n-ow…” She murmured then sighed in trepidation, avoiding the eye contact with her Dad. “She d-didn’t tell m-me an-anythi-ng.”

Her Dad gawked at her for a moment. “She?” Rosaline nodded and wiped her tears away, didn’t want his Dad see her crying like a loser. “Who is she?”

“T-tul-pa.”

Her Dad stood up, stilled, furrowed his brow. “Tulpa?”

Confusion swirled in his brain. No, the proper word for it actually was disbelief. Disbelief swirled in his brain. He did know that her daughter suffered from that-whatever-psychological-disorder, but never knew she was this severely suffered.

Never knew, because he had never even been trying to rivet to how weird every single behavior his daughter had since her wife, Rosaline’s Mom, passed away almost 3 years ago.

And he would probably never try.

Rosaline’s Dad’s head was like slipping beneath the water he couldn’t think

He then took a deep breath, sat down cross-legged leaning against the wall, trying to figure it out though he somehow knew he couldn’t. The distinct smell of blood, icy air, and some kind of foods made him wanna puke. The air somehow felt colder than before it made him shiver in despair. He tried to find another lap to mop the bloody floor and clean up the mess he-they-just made.

“Whatever. Just go back to your room, Rose.”

Rosaline bustled in haste. She stayed clamed up even when her Dad shouted, “And make sure you won’t do any stupid game like this, will ya!”

She entered her room in, didn’t let the icy wind blow in from the open window as she closed it right away before going to bed. A woman-she forgot who she was, her Mom perhaps?-once told her that she was born to be the strongest girl ever alive in this universe. Rosaline honestly never really considered it as her words to live, but she somehow knew that it was true. She could feel it in herself. And she believed it.

What was just happened minutes ago was sort of haze. Blur. It was like loads of thoughts were milling about of her mind, but she couldn’t speak it all out. It stifled her; that mixed of one point when she was about to cry and she was about to scream.

The dense thoughts disorientated her in her own mind.

Rosaline was whacked, drowned in obscurity, too overwhelmed to move. --ets300614

Rosaline & Tulpa #1

The girl fidgeted on her feet, then leaned forward and craned her neck out of the window.
The icy wind blew plenty of leaves across the yard, caressing her face. Glimmers of an eerie moonlight shone through the open window, it cast a wavering spectrum of colors both on her face and half of her body. The moonlight was the only light shining that room, no wonder since someone was on the way to come over.
That someone.
She loved darkness as she'd been growing with it since forever.
And she'd been living in it.
Shivering, the girl ground her teeth due to the friggin' icy wind. It was way too cold for spring. The Doomsday ain't probably lurking no more, it was probably about to happen in the next some years instead, as the world going to be fucked up much more and more every year. At least that was what she thought.
She stilled, waiting.
"M-may-y-be this ti-me we're b-better to be-e shone on-ly by-y moon-l-light!" She said more like to herself, 'cause no one was in the room yet, but her.
11:47 pm.
She breathed in and out, breathed in and out, breathed in again until compressing her lungs with the icy air. She reeked of her midnight breath. The night was getting later, but she was still totally awake despite the bloodshots of her eyes were getting worse.
Bummp. Bummp. Bummp.
Krieekk...
Something was coming. She was coming eventually. Each step creaked and groaned under her weight. Tulpa loomed as darker shadow, ambling up to her.
"Rosaline." The way she called the girl was more like whispering.
Rosaline startled, gasping. She finally snapped out of her shock. She then turned her body back, ready to see whatever-her, the Tulpa-behind her. She then glanced at Tulpa who was now right in front of her. Her face devoid of expression.
Tulpa's blond hair was cut long, cascading over her shirt; the same as Rosaline's. She has pale complexion; the same as Rosaline's. Her height was about 5'5 tall and her weight was about 94 pounds; the same as Rosaline's. She was as scraggy as klunk; the same as Rosaline. She has scratchy voice, almond-shaped eyes, a bit square jaw; the same as Rosaline's. Rosaline's voice actually still carried the high pitch of childhood though. And Rosaline's face was flabby and flushed.
"Tulpa!" Rosaline cried, her voice was chipper as though she just had discovered something never been found. "L-let's play-y Tulpa c'm-c'mon!"
Rosaline Matthews, usually called Rose by others, was an 14 year old teenage girl. She'd been suffering from "Skizofrenia Disorganized" and still in the process of recovery, though the theraphies she'd been taking actually hadn't seemed worked at all. The "Skizofrenia Disorganized" caused her to overimagine something and be out of the reality she lived in, be out of the real social life. One the most literal example was having bestfriend which was actually a tulpa.
Suffering from it made Rosaline suffer from insomnia as well. She could barely sleep every night despite her eyes grew bloodshot. Nah, she didn't give a fuck on her bloodshot eyes though. She didn't really give a fuck on anything. Everything in real life was solely adornment in her bluish green eyes. Solely adornment.
The actual misery of being in despair made her eyes bulged, darting back and forth. She was always in sort of daze and every now and then her face became such a porcelain face. She couldn't really express her feelings as though her face muscles once in a blue moon became paralyzed, exactly like someone suffered from "Mobius Syndrome".
Oftentimes, in spite of the beautiful face she had, people disdained her existence and see herself in contempt. Then again, she didn't give a damn instead of being hurt. Tulpa was always by her side and cheered her up (if though she ain't sad like literally) and muttered, "Don't fucking listen to them, Rose. Those saps ain't doing any good. They don't even know what they are doing for fuck's sake. I'll ensure they all are gonna get the freaking impressing reward... hopefully soon. Very soon." Tulpa usually grinned after saying that, then creased in scowl. Rosaline only gawked at her. "Can't wait to play another more thrilling games! Wonder how'll ya feel, sweetie. There'll be bloody red ink... those shanks will be as pale as klunk, writhing in agony, as we're laughing our fucking ass off, Rose."
Rosaline honestly never understood what Tulpa either meant or planned. She got a bit the "red ink" part though. "R-red ink? Is-s it b-bloo-d, Tulpa?"
But she always got nothing of reply.
00:14 am.
Tulpa ambled up to the table, then sat down next to it, motioning to Rosaline to do the same. Rosaline did, felt her eyes widen. Her breathing stopped for a moment. The light was too dim to scan her expression.
"Brr... T-Tulpa, aren't-n't you free-eezing? This-s is so-o cold." Rosaline said.
"Nope, and nah it's not."
"Can-can I clo-se the w-wind-d-ow?"
"Just let it open, you shank, and feel the warmth, will ya."
"But I a-am f-freezi-ing..." Rosaline said.
"Just ignore. Don't give a bloody fuck on how you getting goose bumps. Don't give a bloody fuck on how this be like icy dew on your skin. Ya get me, sweetie? Don't you wanna play games with me huh?"
"I do! I d-do!"
Rosaline shrieked tinnily, her voice was downright chipper as knowing they were going to play very soon. Tulpa leaned against the wall. "Better not to play those fucking freaking dolls again okay, I'm sick of them!"
"O-okay, so wh-at about th-this?" Rosaline showed her car toys.
"Nope."
Rosaline winced her brow, then tried to find another toys. "What ab-bout this?" She showing her books.
"I'm not a nerd for God's sake. Nope."
"Hmm, th-this?"
"I thought I've told you I was sick of dolls, haven't I?!" Tulpa snarled.
"Oh r-right! I for-g-got hahahaha,"
Tulpa rolled her eyes. "Haha. Funny." Then she stood up. "What about another toys that are not here?" She said each words she could into the syllable. "I mean, we can go outside of this bloody room and find another... toys."
Rosaline's expression turned into disappointment. "You d-don't wan-nt to play-y with me-e?"
"Urgh, come on just go with me!" Tulpa jerked Rosaline's sleeve and headed to the kitchen.
"W-what are we-e search-ch-ing for, Tulp-pa?"
"A razor blade. It's in the kitchen, isn't it?"
Rosaline didn't answer. She was too excited to do this new kind of games until she realized what the razor blade was actually for. Her brow wrinkled up and she felt her eyes widen of curiousity. "For wh-what?"
But again, she got nothing of reply.
"Ah! It's ab-about the "r-red ink-k" r-right-t!?"
Tulpa glanced at her, amazed. "Whoa! Never thought that you're actually smart, sweetie."
00:40 am.
They were now in the kitchen, opening every food cupboard, intented on finding the razor blade. No, of course Rosaline never knew where the razor blade was.
They found nothing.
"No razor blade. What about knife? It's more thrilling I swear!" Tulpa suggested and Rosaline nodded as the answer.
Tulpa reached and pulled one of the knives lying on its place, then gave it to Rosaline. Rosaline sneezed, shivering due to the friggin' icy wind. Her teeth rattling.
Out of the blue, the lamp on the kitchen then turned on. Rosaline's eyes moved as the very light shone through the lamp. Her eyes tried to set to it. She turned around, seeing a heavily muscled figure wearing tight shirtsleeves standing about 9 feet away from her.
"Rosaline?"
"Da-ddy!"
Innocently, Rosaline ran to her Dad excitedly with a knive clutched in her right hand. Her Dad just realized it when the knive stabbed his arm, made the blood of his cascaded over his arm and trickled the floor down. The floor was flooded by the blood. The "red ink".
Dad's jaw persisted. He was seemingly both shocked and angry with what just happened a few minutes ago, with what just happened to him.
Tulpa secretly grinned in satisfaction, whispered to herself, "This is how the real game begun, sweetie." before finally she was gone.
No, Rosaline's Dad could never see Tulpa.
Only Rosaline who could. --ets280614

Him.

That boy is sitting in the corner of the dark side,
sort of hiding in the darkness,
sort of running away from the reality.
No,
he is not captivating.
He looks divergent though.
And no,
he is not expressing any discontent.
He looks eager though.
He's staring at God knows what,
that I don't really know what.
Assuming he's waiting for someone does hurt me.
I somehow kinda want him to notice me,
the stranger one who's initially don't give a dang about him.
'Til he starts to stare at me instead of staring at nothing.
He smiles,
and time suddenly stands still.--ets120614

My Soul?

"There's nothing to think about. There's nothing to debate about. Just run!" --Anonymous.

And here I am, running as fast as I can until I feel my feet dumb and I feel the blood rushing so fast in my veins. I keep running and yet don't know where I'm heading. Seriously, I don't even know where I am. Where is this? Trees, silence, darkness... and a 5'9 tall boy with hairstyle like James Dean's (you know, which has some natural wave in it, my girlfriend sait if effortlessly looks cool) and with pale skin running. Me.

And there's only me.

No, I don't really know what happened. I was chilling with some friends and my girlfriend in a cafe as usual, because I'm always free on Saturday. No school. No fake bitches. No annoying teachers. No mounting homeworks. And no fricking tests. We were so much having fun, we told some jokes, we laughed until our laughter echoed the room we were in, we kissed, we hugged, but then something whispered in my ears. Something which was like my own voice.

It's the time... Just run as fast as you can, don't give a damn on every freaking body who beg you to help them. If you help, you'll die.

I was scared, and I am actully still scared. It was a very eerie sensation when whatever that was whispering in my ears. However I didn't really care about it. Initially, I didn't really care about it.

Until that happened.

I heard people screaming so loudly. They ran... they ran while shivering. Their eyes stared at nothing. They started to bleed, from nose, ears, and mouths. All people, but me.

What's wrong with me? What's wrong with people?

And out of sudden everything stopped. Everything stopped in only a second. It's hard to believe that the previous second they were somewhat like zombies.

And now they stared at me deadly in the eyes.

I knew that I had to run, but I just sat with my trembling hands. "Why are you guys looking at me like that?" I asked. I know it was such a silly question, but whatever.

They kept walking towards me.

My mind worked hard and I asked to myself what should I do?

"Help... H-he-lp..." Her voice was so familiar. But, who? "Help..."

I tried to find the one who just asked for my help: Callysta. My girlfriend.

She no longer is your girlfriend. She's not Callysta... Again, that frickin' something whose voice was so much like mine whispered in my ears.

"Shut the fuck up. She is my girlfriend. I should help her no matter what! I believe the actual Lis is still there!"

And after that, she tried to hurt my wrist when I hugged her.

Run.

Everyone in the cafe became much crazier as ever.

Run.

Everyone in the cafe became more uncontrollable as ever.

RUN!

I ran as fast as I could without even looking back. What the hell is happening right now?! I asked to whatever that thing is but nothing came as an answer. I know you heard me, you dickhead! Tell me what's exactly going on here?!

That-whatever-thing chuckled. Keep running otherwise they will find you, Jared.

I still don't get it why "my own" voice chuckled in such this situation. I mean, fuck it. Doesn't it understand how scared I am? Nah, I don't dread it actually, I dread those people in the cafe insted. Well if only I still can call 'em "people".

The night is when I'm alive, Jared. I hide in the darkness, between moonlight and starlight. I walk without even knowing where I am heading because of you. I have been following you since forever but I can't posess you, ever. I don't know why. I'm so much like your shadow instead of your soul.

What?

I can't reason this.

Tell me, how the hell can you reason such this confusing thing, which was said by your soul, as you're running to avoid people who'd like to kill you?

BAMMM!!!

"Help... h-he-lp..."

I stop running. I'm gasping for oxygen. I look around, trying to find that bloody zombie.

Goodness, why.

It was my Mom. --ets110614

Colors Literally Can Speak!

PARTICIPATING IN NSO 2012

"WHAT?!"

I was very surprised when my Junior High School English teacher asked me to join National Science Olympiad for English subject in the middle of February 2012, while that day was actually the end of January already. Yep, so I only had about 2 weeks left to prepare for it. Well, actually I didn't know how I felt back then, either I felt in the pink or felt blue due to the sudden invitation. The problem was I had been in the 3rd grade of JHS already, I fckn should focus on National Examination, you know. However, since I'm not one of those who have a yellow streak, I just accepted it. Aside from that, I didn't want to make my beloved English teacher see red.

So, the next 2 weeks, on February 12, 2012, I went to Solo by train (actually with 2 teachers and 3 other students). It took us for about 9 hours from Bandung Station to Solo Balapan Station. Well, I bet it was a kind of white lies that I felt so cold (that I couldn't even omg it was like I was living in the coldest place ever) but I just said it's all good to my teacher next to me. I thought I was just caught red handed since she asked me such a question LMAO... I mean, hello, I only whitewashed the situation, pretended that I didn't feel cold, you know that.

The red letter day came eventually. It was on February 14, 2012. Yep, Valentine's Day, but I had to fight for winning the olympiad. I went to MTsN Surakarta 1, the place where the olympiad would be held, and guess what? The committees rolled out the red carpet when they saw me coming, LOL! I mean, I'm not queen for God's sake ROFL why should they have to do so?

Everything had not been blacklisted until the olympiad began. The fact that I have to tell you is that I am a person who is not really good at technology (aka I'm not a geek). I didn't check my laptop's volume before since I was fckn frickin nervous, I just started to do the olympiad.

But something wrong happened afterwards.

Its volume... or the back sound... or whatever, sounded VERY loudly!

I myself was very surprised that jumped a bit from my seat and I only talked to myself WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW DAMMIT while my hands busily pressed all buttons on my laptop's keyboard.

But still.

IT DIDN'T WORK, AT ALL.

Literally shucks.

You silly, Sa, literally silly. What the fck is this. What's happening.

I was blue in the face handling it all alone. No one helped me, just so you know.

I sighed. God damn it! How green I am! 

Out of the blue, a girl who sat in front of me turned around, stared at me (like I was the very weirdest girl alive, and omg she was such a creeper FFS), and then said something which actually should be red penciled. Goodness! She was somewhat--LITERALLY--browned off!

The next day, I went to Borobudur Temple. It was so much fun! It was a sunny day and I felt really in the pink. I saw a boy with his over the top posturing, some girls singing songs (fck their dissonant harmonies!), and... that boy. I turned green with envy seeing that boy, another contestant, buying a unique two-tone souvenir. I walked approaching the stand, giving the green light to buy the same souvenir. I intentionally brought more money in order not to end up in the red. Then I went happily... until I tripped over big stone and fell to the earth! I found myself black and blue all over when I looked at the reflection of me in the mirror.

Finally, the announcement of the winners was announced on February 16, 2012. Well, perhaps it was not my good luck since I was not the winner (someone who prayed for me may the odds be ever in your favor was probably no one, urgh). I only got the 95th rank from about 330 contestants.

Nevertheless, I had tried my best in this fckn competitive olympiad. What I need to do is believing that every cloud has a silver lining.

The Advantages of Taking A Tutorial Course

Education in this era becomes more challenging than it used to be. Why do I say so? Because students nowadays have higher demands to reach their realistic goals, and not to mention about the obstacles they should face. Let me take one obstacle as example which is technology. As we all know that technology has some benefits, but here I will focus on one of them which is as the entertain for people, such as games. That’s the reason why most students prefer technology to books and why most students’ academic performance become worse. Due to that, parents are sure to be worried, they will find the way how to make their children’s academic performance better. Based on the survey that I did, the first thing coming to most parents’ minds to overcome the problem is tutorial course, since it is very mushrooming nowadays, right? According to a web in internet, tutorial course is a class conducted by a tutor for one student or a small number of students and this way of study results in good effects. Taking a tutorial course causes the students to have scheduled study hours, improve their academic performance, and be goal-oriented.

            Having scheduled study hours is the first advantage of taking a tutorial course. Many students say that it is an utterly hard thing to study after school. They would play game or go to somewhere else before going home rather than study, review the lessons they just got that day, or do their homeworks. Consequently, they just study in school. However, with nowadays challenges and demands, studying only in school is not always effective, is it? Remembering how hard to get successful in the future when present education is challenging. Therefore, I can say that studying after school is needed, and tutorial course has the answer for it. Tutorial course makes the students have scheduled study hours. Having scheduled study hours definitely will make students easier to pursue their dreams. They have to get used to struggle and manage time well, which are the keys to success.

            The academic performance of students who take a tutorial course is different. It seems better indeed, proven by a research called “Private Supplementary Tutoring: Comparative Perspectives on Patterns and Implications” which was conducted by Professor Bray in Hong Kong University. The research says that “Students' academic results are improved after attending tutorial class.” Let me explain more about this. Students who take a tutorial course will get additional scores from teachers more often because they become more active in class ever since they take a tutorial course. They often raise hands to answer teacher’s questions since they have already learned the lessons first in the course. The lessons in class are understood fast by them, so when they have tests, their scores will be good and oftentimes, be the best in class. Most of the students who take a tutorial course then get the first rank and will be easier to be accepted in their favorite colleges. Therefore, improving their academic performance is the second advantage.

            The third, taking a tutorial course causes the students to be goal-oriented. Their self-confidences become higher since they know their academic potentials are good. Their frequent study and their study hours are enough to make them believe that they surely can be accepted in their favorite colleges. As a result, they enjoy studying and automatically will concentrate more while studying in order to pursue their realistic goals in the future. They focus their efforts on achieving them until they get what they want.

            All in all, taking a tutorial course has 3 advantages, which are having scheduled study hours, improving students’ academic performance, and being goal-oriented. When students’ study hours have been scheduled well, they can automatically improve their academic performance in class. At last, it can mold new good personality that is goal-oriented for students so that they can focus their efforts on achieving their realistic goals. If you want to get those advantages, then just take a tutorial course and I’ll make sure you will get them.

Created by Elsa Tamara Shalsabila

Movie Review: Wolverine

Wolverine tells us about a mutant names Logan who is immortal. He has lived many years and has powerful power to help people. His immunity is really strong, I mean he is bulletproof and his injury can be cured by itself so that he won't need any doctor to cure his injuries.
The story begins in Nagasaki, Japan, when America let atomic bomb fall to the area. There is one of Japanese soldiers names Yashida who is hiding inside something strong, and Logan protects him from the bomb. Yashida then thanks Logan for it. He gives samurai to Logan and teaches him how to hold the samurai well. Nonetheless, Logan ignores it and asks Yashida to keep it safe for him because he will come back someday. Yashida agrees.
Some years later, Logan lives in a forest with a bear which is actually his bestfriend. But then one day, the bear is killed and Logan searches for them who have killed it, until there is Yukio, a Japanese girl who is very good at using samurai. She asks Logan to go with her to Tokyo since her boss who is actually Yashida, asks her to do that. At first, Logan doesn't want to, but then he agrees. They go to Tokyo and Logan meets Yashida eventually.
Yashida is going to die, and his last wish is that he wants Logan to protect his granddaughter, Mariko, since he gives the throne to her. Mariko's father couldn't agree less about the idea because he really wants to be the next leader who can have the throne.
But when Logan protects Mariko from groups of criminals, slowly but sure, Logan becomes weak. He loses his power since there is something sticking to his heart. His injuries cannot be cured by itself anymore. One thing he knows that actually he is going to be human if he can't get that something sticking to his heart out. The problem is if he becomes a human, he surely will die. Someday.
And then Logan and Mariko escapes from Tokyo to Nagasaki, but then the groups of criminals kidnappes Mariko and then Logan tries to find her with Yukio's help. Before finding Mariko, Yukio says that she sees Logan will dia with much blood around (Yukio can foresee actually). Logan doesn't believe it. However, he tries to get that something sticking out of his heart and he successfully does it at last. He is still alive.
The ond of the movie tells us that actually Yashida hasn't died. He actually wants the immortality of Logan. He and his friend, Viper, makes a very powerful robot from metal to fight against Logan, and Yashida is inside of the robot. He cuts Logan's claws and tries to take power of Logan into his body. But fortunately, Marioko comes in the correct time, bringing the cut of Logan's claws and immediately sticks them to Yashida's neck and Yashida dies eventually. Logan is still and will always be alive.